Comedy Gold: The Trip. 

So, this story sums up the cheekiness of one of my new basketball team mates. Well, after 2 years with the team now we still have a giggle when we chat about this particular one. 

I look back on this story with embrassment and with a smile on my face. 

The team is a friendly one and always up for a laugh. So, a laugh at my expense was not going to come cheap!

After warming up and doing our usual shooting drill from various spots in and around the key it was time to look at dribbling under pressure. As a shooting guard or point guard these two skills, for me, are an important part of my game. Dribbling being a part of this particular comedy gold moment. 

The mens team had a game after our training session and their coach was sorting their kit out and the bag was on the side line.  

The particular drill we were doing was one where the player dribbling the ball had to loose the defending player. 

Curry showing how it’s done. 

As usual I went with the other point guard who is ten times better than me! Little did I know how sly her tactics would be. We will come back to this. 

So, after a few times zig zagging up and down the court and myself being in a rather unhappy mood. I can’t remember why, my team mate tries to cheers me up!! 

Did it work? Well let’s put it this way. She was crying with laughter, I was red with embrassment. The rest of the team were trying to piece together what and how this moment of comedy gold happened. 

Here it goes. It was my turn to defend. I am starting to try and turn up the defensive pressure on a good point guard. Her tactics I can only describe as a moment of pure evil!!!! However, she was clearly thinking out side the box or bag!!! 

Remember the coach sorting the kit out for the mens game? 

Yes, well this bag ended up on the court some how! No, not in the centre on the left hand side of me. I had passed it the previous time and thought “someone will move that”. Now at this point my healthy and safety alarm should have started ringing big time, as it should have done with my team mate. We are both pe teachers by trade. As you can read my alarm started bleeping. However, it was obvious that the alarm needed to ring instead of bleep. 

The next moment resulted in me turning bright red and laughing until my sides hurt.  

It’s like a video on You’ve Been Framed. Guess what happens next?? 

Now if you guessed that I jumped over it? Wrong, if you thought I picked it up and moved it, wrong again. 

If you guessed that my team mate spotted it and pretty much moved me into the kit bag you guessed correctly. However, what you might not have guessed is the final part if this comedy gold. 

Imagine something out of Benny Hill, or Morecambe and Wise and you might just have the start of what the outcome was. However, if the name Miranda means anything to you, you can imagine the outcome. “Such fun”. 

I was walked backwards straight into the bag. My feet got caught in the handles, I slipped and away I went. Arse over tit. Excuse the language. I fell into the bag and that is where I stayed for the next few minutes gathering what just happened, my team mate wetting herself and the rest wondering how on earth I had ended up in the bag. 

Similar to this but in a bag. 

The bag was that big you could have zipped me up and taken me away. 

I can only describe what it felt like, which was one of those comedy moments when someone falls into a bin and has their legs and arms sticking out, while their actual body is stuck. You know the ones I mean. How embrassing!!!! But such fun!! 

Like this. 

To top it off, in the scrimmage towards the end of the session, I have also learnt to tie my shorts up as they ended up around my ankles pretty much. Thanks team mate. 

After all life is about making memories! Even ones you want to forget but can’t. 


The Big Mama! Comedy Gold

The Big Mama! Comedy Gold

I am a Basketball player through and through. However, I am actually very short at only 5ft 2 inches. How can I play Basketball I hear you ask? Well the position I play is either a point guard or shooting guard. They tend to be the smallest or smaller players on the court. 

So, when a couple of close friends asked me to play Netball with them I reculantly said “ok but I haven’t played for a long time” They said that’s OK just don’t dribble the ball!!! Lol. 

Very different to a Basketball. So hard not to dribble it. 

Game day arrives.

 I am introduced to the team I would be playing for. Lots of hellos exchanges, then the moment the dreaded question was asked! What position do I play or can I play? There was an extended period of hesitation with my reply being “I don’t really know I haven’t played Netball in ages” Oh the exchange of looks I could see.  Ones of great she doesn’t know what she is doing, fabulous she has no idea and some others that should probably not even be repeated on this very blog. You knew what they were thinking!!! 

I did tell them I played Basketball and this sort of changed their opinion. Thank goodness. 

The position I was given for this game was GA (goal attack) I was hoping and praying my shot, which I rely on in Basketball, would not let me down!!! 

As we position ourselves, I ended up standing next to lady who terrified me! This is the only way I can hopefully get across to you how concerned I was. 

She walked the walk but also talked to talked. If a player was not having a good game they knew about it. 

I hear you asking why did she terrify me so much? 

So, here it goes. She terrified me because I was a mere 5ft 2 inches tall weighing no more than around 9 stone. This lady was as broad as she was tall. Now, this isn’t intended to sound rude or horrible but the joke between me and my two friends remains today. When we talk of our netball memories this story is usually the first told. The story of the big mama. 

Sometimes, I still have nightmares. You will understand why when you read this story.

Basketball is a sport where you can guard your player as close as you want. In netball it’s a metre away from their landing foot. At first there were a few contacts from her on me as apparently I was quite quick which she didn’t like. She made her thoughts well known. I was quite surprised I didn’t land on my backside more often!

The next two moments may have you laughing, they may have you sniggering. For me I was definitely crying. From tears of pain! 

I shudder as these memories come back.

I managed to get myself into the shooting D, passed the big mama. I shot the ball, luckly it goes in. However, she is defending and looses her balance as she leans in. The next thing I know I am in a heap on the floor with her on top of me! I could hear my friends laughing. According to my friends it looked like something out of comedy sketch. The only part of me that could be seen was my legs kicking around in a very uncomfortable way. 

The squashing of tiny me felt like it went on for an eternity. The relief I felt as she peeled herself off was one of great joy. My team came to see if I was OK but mostly laughed and the umpire was trying not burst into laughter as she checked I was OK. After a few seconds recovery and regaining my thoughts, after my life flashed before my eyes, I was able to carry on. 

The next moment sums up my first game of netball in years!!!!!! 

Again my speed allowed me to get into the shooting D. This time a little further away from the goal post. I put my shot up. It goes in just. However, we both go in for the rebound. This time she defend well and kept me from getting anywhere near the ball using her backside! The song that springs to mind at this very moment SIR-MIX-ALOT . It’s quite a well known song so I will leave you to figure out the song title! 

I bounced off her, falling backwards. To stop myself from falling I decided to grab hold of the lady, the big mama. Thinking I would be safe and would stop my fall. 

What do you think happens next?

Do I fall? Do I managed to stop even more embrassment? 

Breathe, I managed to grab her, yes, but in a fairly uncomfortable area. Her boob. Yep you read it correctly! HER BOOB.!!! She screamed in pain “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” 

As we both collapsed in a heap on the floor again. I felt the death stare. I immediately apologised and explained myself. I think I would have been punched to the other side of the court if I didn’t. Like in video games or fighting films when they slow it down. 

After all that comedy and embrassment was I invited to play netball again I hear you ask?

The answer was a surprising yes. I am still not sure today if it was for my netball prowess or my comedy of errors. 

I can tell you this though, I think I proved my worth as I went on to play centre, wing attack and even had a go at goal shooter. With even more comedy gold. 

The goal keeper story we shall save for another time, maybe. 

After all it’s about enjoying your time and, for me, making memories. These stories have definitely been told and retold over a number of years.